The Woman You Were & The Woman You Have Become

Have you ever looked at your partner or ex-partner and thought ‘Energetically we are miles apart; how on earth did we ever work?!’

If you reflect on your past self, the one who was head over heels for your partner, excitedly sharing with friends and family about finding 'The One,' and compare her to your present self—who, if you're brutally honest, would walk past your partner in a bar without feeling any physical, emotional, or spiritual attraction or if you find yourself wondering how you ever found that person attractive or a good match – go easy on yourself there is a good reason!

There is a large body of research that suggests that we actually choose our partners based on primal instincts. We are biologically engineered to procreate with a partner who in our subconscious minds tick all the boxes to successfully continue our lineage in a similar pattern that we have been conditioned by our upbringing to feel comfortable with.

Particularly for women, during their twenties to early thirties, the biological drive to have children leads them to choose partners that are of the same social standing, similar gene pool in regard to attractiveness, men that are financially dependable and often, within close proximity to where we are living.

Most women choose a partner that their parents approve of, and they know will provide for them a safe, stable home. Add to this situation, a woman who chooses her life partner perhaps in her early twenties, before a time when she even knows herself or has had the time or life experience to truly define who she is and what she wants from a man, a lover, a life partner.

This is why women tend to lose themselves in a marriage that isn’t truly a reflection of her core self.

It’s not where she wants to be but because she has no firm idea of who she actually is, or where it is that she truly wants to be, she distracts herself. She may lose herself to her children, living solely for them, with endless after-school activities, with big elaborate birthday parties and Instagram worthy holidays. They ensure that all the children’s needs are met until they are utterly exhausted and there is nothing left to give.

This, at least, helps to alleviate the guilt they feel that they cannot meet their husbands’ emotional needs, they are so busy with the children, there is simply not enough to go around. They would love to- but they just can’t right now. Maybe next week, or next month… or next year. But then the children grow up and leave the nest. Now what? Despite any number of hobbies that they might wholeheartedly try, at the end of the day, one day they are left with the truth.

You simply can’t distract yourself from the truth forever.

If you see parts of yourself woven into the words of these lines, perhaps you are thinking ‘that’s me’ or ‘that could be me’, I want you to think now, of this younger version of yourself who chose this path for you - and forgive her. Forgive her wholeheartedly. She was doing the very best with what she had at the time.

Be grateful for the lessons she has helped you learn along the way. Be kind to her and let her know that you forgive her. The woman you were, is not the woman you have become.

She might have been asleep for longer than you would have liked, but she is awake now.

And ready for change.

Here for you

Skye Xx