What Defines A Successful Marriage

How does society help or hinder our own expectations around how we define a successful marriage?

One of the most heartbreaking realisations I had to reconcile when my marriage ended was that I was never going to be able to look at my eighty-year-old husband and say:

“Wow, we made it. Happy 60-year anniversary!” 

I had dreamed of one day looking back and feeling proud that we held on through the ups and downs, through the trials and tribulations of life and emerged, still full of love with our marriage intact. I felt ashamed that a successful marriage wouldn’t be one of my life achievements.

Society tells us that longevity and successful are words fully interchangeable. We look with deep admiration to the elderly couple celebrating their 50, 60, and 70-year wedding anniversary. Wow, they must have done something right. We want to be like that couple, happily married and successful at love.

But what exactly is a successful marriage?

Being married for 60 years? Does that make is successful? Who gets to decide what constitutes a successful marriage? Is it society? The neighbours? Your grandparents? Does the definition of a successful marriage differ if you are religious?

Think for a moment about the couples in your little corner of the world that are married. They could be friends, aunts/uncles, family friends- your parents. How many of them would tell you they have a successful marriage? How many of those marriages would you want for yourself? 

So many people today are living in a state of show, smiling behind a façade of complete bulldust. They are sleeping in separate beds, living separate lives, not truly even liking each other let alone loving each other. Some ‘successful’ married couples haven’t even sat at the dinner table and shared a meal together in years! Yet they still hide behind the pretense of a happy, successful marriage. “Been married for 25 years!” Yep, that alone means absolutely nothing.

What does constitute a successful marriage is completely defined by you.

You define it for yourself and while you are defining your own version of success, throw societies expectations out the bloody window. A successful marriage to me is love yes, but it is so much more than that. It’s being fully seen and appreciated for the person you really are~ it’s having your heart and soul in full alignment and not needing to hide or dim either.

It’s wanting to grow with your partner, and them wanting you to grow as well. 

There are many couples in this world that can tell you what a successful marriage is, but not many couples that can show you.

Listen to yourself, to your heart.

And you decide for yourself, according to your own needs, desires and expectations- what a successful marriage means to you.

Sending you so much love,

Skye Xx